Sunday, January 22, 2017

Have you ever laughed so hard that milk shot from your nose? This story is kinda like that, but not really


I finally remember why.  Why I have never, not in 30 years ever purchased a bottle of JOY dish soap. 


Essence of lemon wafting from this lilly-livered amber goo involuntarily take my mind back to Cara Insall's kitchen in Ras Tanura, one unsupervised day afterschool. 


Another rendition of our game "Dare" was about to commence. The first freckly-faced, blonde person I ever knew, Tracie Wulf, the Master Concocter that day, cooked up a dish of sugar and spice with everything nice, yet with all the wiles of Laura Ingalls when she returned Nellie Olson's tricks. 

The object of the game:  EAT THE MYSTERY CONCOCTION 

"Try it" blondy said. Our eyes squinting at each other....

Earlier........ I recall preparing hot, spicy vomitous mixture with a cayenne base with stomach wrenching abilities. Horribly acidic slurry that would make your weight-lifting, muscle obsessed father hurl at just a whiff. This I had made as an offering.  

On the counter, a shot glass of chocolatey darkness waited for ME. Could it strip the wax off my momma's floor or make my little brother run squealing for his life? I would delay the gulp as Tracie grinned wide showing some gaps in her baby teeth, while Cara awaited.
"I am invincible" I lied to myself.

"Just do it," someone said.

I sipped, Mmm, Mmm.....CHOCOLATE! Wonderful!....SWEET!....Could it be no torture at all?? Unbelievable! I gulped the entire contents.  After the last swallow I inhaled it, a lemony , sudsy choke, then a cough, argh! Repeatedly coughing and gasping for air I began to think I would die soon of this awful choking lemony zest. 

 JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was dish soap! As I ran for the kitchen sink Tracie helped me spray water down my throat as bubbles continued to erupt from my face. I won't forget concentrating on the sink drain, croaking up lemon bubbles everywhere. Lemony bubbles.

My mouth experienced delight and devastation all at once as I nearly suffocated with chocolate lemon bubbles foaming from my nose and mouth. 

I despise Ultra Concentrated JOY, I wanna puke when I smell it. 
but it still takes me back to good 'Ol Ras Tanura days. 

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