I've Blown a Circuit

It has been so long since I have blogged and so much has happened in my life to which not much is remotely the same as it used to be except for these interminably long college classes.

First of all I am living with my father, in Arkansas, since I came here to take care of my mother.  She passed on in September and I AM STILL HERE. Also, I am engulfed in my immediate family, not 4000 miles away laughing at all the drama.  I am here in the middle of it all.

This post is about family and the things you may find out when living in close proximity.

My sister's kids LOVE parmigiana cheese, Lays potato chips and Krispy Creme doughnuts. If they didn't then this would be another story altogether. You see, as a health food nut, my sister has relabeled some of her own grunge food creations as commonplace food items that most normal people eat everyday.  Take parmigiana cheese.  She has created something to cleanse your insides and fortify your liver with foods such as this ground mixture of organic seed, lecithin flakes, a dehydrated fruit powder, and a soaked enzyme activated nut all precisely combined with some Israeli sea salt that *RESEMBLES* parmigiana cheese.

I have learned why my 8 yr old neice (I will call foodie3) eats an entire jar parmigiana at one sitting!  Last summer, at her friends house, after tasting spaghetti with store bought parmigiana she became an addict.  It's true, indeed.    SHE was so freaked out and amazed at her friends' mom's cooking (store bought commercially created junk food), that she consumes large amounts at one sitting.

The next food was potato chips.   My sister bakes potatoes at a low temperature not to mess too much with the enzymeage and then scoops out the interior.  What is left over is is a potato skin to which she dehydrates and adds a dab of olive oil and spice.  These are given out as "potato chips" to munch on throughout the day......the kiddos have always loved them until,  Papa (their Grandfather) introduced them to LAYS (and not to mention Krispy Creme Doughnuts).  No longer do they crave the gummy chewy, lifeless dehydrated potato skins.  The question I have is, will they love her later for keeping their blood sugars healthy, creating longevity and their minds flourishing with a lack of chemically treated foodstuffs or will they despise her for the tricks of motherhood played upon them?  Who is to say?  It is all very funny....UNTIL

Until I heard about the TREE. Here's the deal.  Most all of the family is taking grandpa's RV with a tonage of grandkids to HER house for the whole Christmas break.  We have been making plans about travel, food, games, stockings......you can just imagine all the prep to transporting 10+ to an alternate location for a 2 week holiday vacation. I called last night.  I asked her what kind of tree they had, real or fake.

This is how part of the conversation went (I left out the screaming part and ranting and 2 hours of phone calls to my other siblings):

me: I'm so excited that we drew names.....
her: yah, this will be fun even though we kept papa's name out
me: where are you putting the tree and is it real? (I know she lives 1 mile from a doug fir farm)
her: tree?
me: yah, Christmas TREE?  For Santa to put presents under??
her: I don't have that....
me: WHAT???
her: I have loads of banana trees and they are bearing bananas now, that would be fun
me: (blowing a brain fuse) YOU MEAN YOU INVITED ALL OF US DOWN FOR CHRISTMAS AND SANTA WILL NOT BE COMING!!!!
her: I have never had a tree......haven't thought about it
me: I CANNOT COME TO YOUR HOUSE WITHOUT A TREE, ALL MY KIDS BELIEVE IN SANTA AND THIS WOULD RUIN IT!!! (more ranting and yelling and eventually I had to hang up and rethink the whole vacation)

Now it started all coming clear in my head....no wonder they don't ever wrap or open up their presents until sometime in January or possibly February, they are not on out commercially created holiday calendar system!!!! Of course, my kids go to public school and my sisters kids are homeschoolers!! Why didn't I see this coming!! I mean I used to be a homeschooling mom too, but never, NEVER have I ever denied the children of their TREE!

Of course now all my plans are really changing....we get to shop for a tree, ornaments, and everything to make my sister's house in the south super, uber commercially and sentimentally holly jolly Christmas like!

After all the ranting last night I decided I should just blog about this.

Since I am officially back in the blogosphere

Merry Christmas ALL!

That's Entertainment

I made it to the lower 48! (After leaving behind 4 bags from my rooftop carrier, unloading half the contents of my personal suitcase and taking out half the groceries in the ice chest...my little Volvo was sitting ON THE TIRES ... .RELOAD!!)  Back in the States is like being on another planet especially after driving through St. Louis in rush hour! It is difficult to describe my near 5000 miles of driving, anyway,  I am going to prioritize some stuff in my life now since I am NOT in school, NOT working for the summer, and ONLY taking care of the underage children in my life. I found a post from my Spring pre-finals, and thought I would post before I really get back into the blogosphere.

Written earlier:
Life has been mostly mother reports or weather reports. Life is so busy, or is it? Are there people out there NOT running themselves ragged with kids, activities, scouts, medical issues, vehicle upkeep, your job, his job, the older kid jobs, school, homework that never EVER gets finished, animals, and did I mention potty training?

Flicks that entertain my brain:

The Emerald Forest
First of all it took me three sittings to watch it all. Without the fast forward button, I just couldn't have endured it. Every parents nightmare is losing your kid, maybe in the ex-burbs, at a nascar race, or like me, even in my own house.  This movie is about an engineer who loses his young son to the jungle while on a family picnic in South America.  The only clue he has  is a yellow and black feather that comes from an "invisible" people.

It seems like the entire inspiration for the cartoon "Fern Gully" or James Cameron's epic "Avatar." Civilization (and technology that we are so addicted to), is the ultimate evil in this movie, and encroaches upon the life giving green forest. I am Girl Scout Green, therefore, I am easily mesmerized by the lack of technology, no cell phones, and the primitive instincts of the clan tribes that dwell deep in the forest not to mention the ease and lack or need of modern clothing. I kinda want to lie naked now with my mate only clothed in leaves and flowers in a tropical climate possibly the same wardrobe as Eve before "The Fall of Mankind", you know when we were ALL vegetarians.

Unknown 
A great edge of your seat movie, at least for me.
Raising Hope
My absolute high-light of the week that brings laughs to the entire family, which can be also be embarrassing at times.
Speed Racer
You might need to dull your screen color settings for this one.


Movies I want to see:
Black Swan (I love Natalie Portman and ballet)
The Kings Speech
Tron (for the kid in me)
Despicable Me (same reason)
The Social Network
The Blind Side
Gulliver's Travels

Things are going great....I have a few posts in mind....but midterms are killing me and I am 2 labs behind.  Oh my little laboratory awaits me!

I am sooo happy mother is doing well, when she went in to her appointment on Friday, everyone was shocked at her wonderful appearance.  They asked her how she felt, she replied, "How do I look?  My hair is fixed and my lipstick is on!!"

Some of the nurses were so shocked that they told her when she was recovering from the two surgeries last month, they thought she would definitely be a donor (and they really told her that).  I am not sure I could reveal that to a patient, shocking!

Yippee!  So very glad! Can't wait to get back to the lower 48 and see my mommy!!

So appreciative of the prayers.

Thanks all!

Mother got home last night about 10pm.  All is well, Bonnie is staying until she feels better and can get about easier.  Mother is still adjusting to the pain.

So glad to have her home!

It has been good to have your prayers.

Another problem was found with my mother.  More scar tissue has been blocking vital working parts and is the reason for not being able to digest food yet along with certain narcotics for pain.  The latest CT scan revealed the problem and the doctors are working on a plan to fix it.

Bonnie tells me that there are many many people taking good care of mom at the hospital.  They are in every hour so it is hard to rest. Bonnie is relentless as well as dad and refuse to leave mom.  Bonnie sleeps near every night in the chair in mom's hospital room.  Thank goodness that dad and Bonnie can be right there with her through this time of recovery.

Keep praying!  Fonda made it to mom and dad's to take care of the place while they are away.

mothers update

After the second surgery the pathology report that came out is very good.  No more cancer cells.  However, she is still in recovery.  Adjusting to a regular diet has been difficult and an infection has set in.
The good news is that she has no fever.

Keep her in your prayers.  She is not leaving the hospital anytime real soon.

Thanks for all your prayers.

Today in the Aftermath of Whiteout

This is my car after yesterday.  Yes we are  snowed in.  It took us 

all day to get up the nerve to go outside, you see my husband sold

 the plow that goes in front of his truck.   

this is the front deck

most of the snow fell off the barn, we had to shovel a path,

 my washing machines are out there ya know

Before 

after

me in my comfy clothes and bogg boots making trails

Isaiah jumped in the deep end

backyard paths to the boiler

this is an Alaskan hangover

it would be so great to time the fall of that snow

 right when sam walks under the eave

snow much snow

squirt went out and played til the wind picked up again

all the vehicles, well most, there are two other trucks

on the property, a car in the garage and a snowmachine

but we can't find it in the snow

pathway to the laundry room

pathway to the green house

we found the snowmachine and no, it doesn't create snow 

for ski slopes, it is what people in the lower 48 call

snowmobiles.  No one uses that terminology here.

this is the good side of my car, the wind blew hard 

this is a path that the renter took to the road, and 

left the shovel there practically in the road

my grill, won't be using it today

the purpose of this picture was to view

the trampoline, I actually tried to zoom in on it

I guess I could take any picture, that is all white

and say, "that's a picture of our trampoline in a snowstorm"

two guys acting dumb and got stuck, they tried to ramp a 

bunch of fluffy snow onto the back yard, but there

is a 3.5 foot keystone wall there, nice try

finally got it unstuck and drove right through the 

entry area to my courtyard squeezing by the wall

of samistan and over my snow hidden stone bonfire pit

a good friend came over to help clear the way, 

then we helped with his driveway

this is the luckiest guy in the universe

my precious ones

sink picture, this is very very important, Lynn will know

but if you want to know, follow this sink link

That was Yesterday

I hate it when I cannot find something in the house. Like when you need a new blade for the paint scraper for a project that needs to be done NOW!  I have probably 3 packages of scraper blades. It is a whole lot easier to just go to Safeway on aisle 13 where they have odds and ends of hardware and buy a new package.

I know exactly where Safeway keeps all their stuff there. It is all vertical, easy to see, and face forward.  I just wish that I could find things that easy. Earlier today, cleaning out my junk drawer I ended up throwing away a ton of things.  Needed things, that I went to the store and rebought because I couldn't find them when I needed them.  I hate that. It is just as good as a slap in the face, really.  It is like my own personal FAIL blog. Right? I have found a remedy, my friend Lynn and I started something new....tell you more about it later in the post.

It even generates some of the same feelings as having my significant husband all of a sudden become interested in traveling cooking shows and then actually cooking the stuff that he sees only with game meat. It's kinda cool and kinda not. Oh, his dishes that he creates are delicious don't get me wrong.
Nevertheless, the ingredient usage is what is killing me softly.  He shops for bell peppers, red peppers, zucchini of a certain size and firmness, celery, and onions of all types and not to mention, fresh, yes, I said it, fresh not frozen, brussel sprouts.

WTH! I'm not making the Sarah Palin WTF mistake like on Fox News...but really? ..............REally?

I have been married umpteen million 23 years to the same person that previously did nada in the kitchen, and now seems to take over the fresh food shopping, discussing sale prices, and the exotics of each supermarket in town. The above mentioned items of the vegetable category were all previously avoided at all cost because they caused a stomach ache or something like a plague to my husband. Even though these veges are good for you, flavor meals, enhance other meats, and are quite tasty, my number 1, most important person that I cook for, numero uno, would never be caught eating them.  I know what it is like to slave over the stove and never get a comment, to have people pick out green peppers, and to never show any gratification except when the meal is over....."Do you mind if I make a pbj?"

Bell peppers are usually and as of last week and the past 23 years not allowable in potatoe salad, cole slaw because mothers slaw wans't made that way, sloppy joes, meatloaf, grilled on burgers, picked off pizza, and do not even ever attempt to stuff them whole.... but that was

yesterday........
hit play on the console now

The Beatles - Yesterday Powered by abmp3 search engine

Yesterday...
All my peppers seemed so far away....
now it looks as though there here to stay....
long as sam's cooking is here always!!!!!!

Sam cooked the most decadent stuffed red peppers tonight and we all ate them.  They were really really super.  He is going gourmet all the way.  It is still just so strange to me. Anyway that is what is going on over here, at my house.  I am also trying out the music thing on this post to see if it works.

Tomorrow, with conservation in mind, so that I don't have to go to the store continually repurchase items that I cannot find in my house, I am beginning the Flylady's 30 Day program to get my house in shape. I will be saving money and space. Tomorrow is day one.  Notice that I said tomorrow and not today? I need a day to prepare.

Here is what I will be doing, I am taking the Beginner course.  Baby steps.....
Pretty soon I will buy her mop.

Saturday update on mother.

The Pathology report came back this morning showing cancer in a little bit more tissue.  Therefore, Monday morning another surgery is planned.  It is a small area so not as extensive as the first surgery.  All looks well enough that mother will be out of the hospital hopefully by early next week.

Bonnie and dad are still with mother everyday.  My older sister will be traveling in the next day or so to help out also.

Keep mother in your prayers and hope that she can mange the pain with the medicines that they give her and recover fully.

Update on Mom and These are Her Boots

Update and boots for bonnie!

Mom is doing well, she gets up for a few minutes each day to walk around.  She ate real food this morning which is super after 5 days of no food.  The pain doesn't let her rest much yet.  Bonnie and/ or dad are with her all the time.  It is not likely that she gets out to go home today.

The IV line was taken out today as well.  She is taking strolls down the hall with help. We are all pleased with her progress especially the fact that she ate some meatloaf, yes meatloaf is the word, if the report is correct.

Also, I found the most awesome boots.  When I saw them I immediately thought of Bonnie.  All my kids always want to go home with Auntie Bonnie.  She takes kids skating, the pool, the park well...they have a tonage of fun.  Bonnie is always on the go having fun fun fun!  I bet she has a shoe for every occasion but I bet she doesn't have these boots!!

Aren't these adorable and bonnilicious?? They are 

purrrrect for my ultimate frisbee sis.

Here is another cool site to see more colors, I love boots!!

Verbier has the most awesome boots. 

Thanks for being with mom and skyping with us!

We love you Bonnie!!

Love you too mom!!

The type of surgery that mom had today normally runs between 4-12 hours.  We were all pleased that hers only lasted about an hour with not as much damage as previously thought.  Mom is in the ICU and will hopefully get a private room in the hospital tomorrow.  Hoping the best for recovery......

Thank you for all the prayers and love!

Valentines for you nana!

This valentine is for you Nana!  It is made by Daisy and she says that there is no other one like it in the world, just like you.

Here is Daisy, she made about 30 handmade valentines for all the friends in her class. On the back she wrote all kinds of things like "You're a HOOT!!" and "OWL be your friend" and stuff like that. Some of the owls have a hint of anime, if you know what that is.  

Here are the 3 youngest kiddos at the table at a mandatory MAKE YOUR OWN VALENTINES annual meeting because I am not spending money on fake v-cards that are meaningless. REALLY, I won't buy them!  I might go get a bouquet of red liquorice though, especially after the latest twizzler commercial.

Harrison was uber excited about gluing circles and hearts. With my help we made 6 OWL valentines for his preschool teachers and pasted hearts on top of hearts for all his preschool friends. We lost caps to 5 glue sticks and he didn't eat any glue so I am pretty pleased with myself.  

This is Daisy's owl for Mrs. Kassel her 5th grade teacher.  She was very impressed with the angry the eyebrows even though Mrs. Kassel is the nicest teacher EVER!  

Isaiah even made some but refused to admit it and we cannot find any of them. By the way, I think that is the orange striped shirt that Nana got him last summer which he hasn't taken off ALL week.   He has a level of confidence that cannot be reckoned with.  He is sure what he wants to wear and for how long. He keeps the wood boiler going, the inside wood stove, the horses feed and watered even at -40 like it is right now.  So my threats to bathe just aren't going anywhere unless I threaten not to feed him.

The pics are taken with my phone cam.  You know, I used to take MUCH better pictures but with kid #5 it just doesn't matter anymore.  I have bought 3 cameras recently. One for every year of Harrison's life and he killed them all.  I am okay with mediocre photos. 

This vOWLentine wins the CUTE award.

This vOWLentine wins the best smile.

Harrison made this one.

There was a big mess on the floor.  Actually it was there before we started this project but I made the kids sweep the whole house and clean up all the bits of paper. (Wasn't that smart of me?)

These two are joined at the wing.  Daisy is giving this one to Carena, her BFF since preschool. Now turn your head sideways and say aw...............................

Then look who shows up!  Sister and boyfriend!! Again, aw................

suzannah and Dale made valentines too!  

Happy vOWLentines Day to you!

2011

this valentines day......... send some love

  

This is an informative post about the person in my life that I love the most in all the world, my mom.

I wanted to let you know what is happening.


Please keep my mother in prayer.  Her cancer has come back after more than a year of being cancer free.  Actually her blood tests still indicate no cancer.  Last weeks biopsy has proven that in fact it is cancer.

She has not fully recovered fully from chemotherapy and radiation from last year.  Monday, February 14, in the afternoon in OKC she is having surgery to remove all cancer and to remove some anatomy and have been ruined with the regrowth of the same tumor. She will also have reconstruction so that some muscle will be removed from her leg or abdomen to fill in.

Mom and Dad have full confidence in the OU surgeons and are ready for this. They are in good spirits. We are hoping the best.  Please pray for her recovery, that all the cancer is found, and taken care of.

At this point it has not metastasized.  I am only relaying what I have been informed so that you can be included in our prayer circle. Please do not bombard my dad will calls.  I will update here what I know.

Feel free to message me on fb, skype, or text me if you have questions.

divas and volvos

How do you live with a 20 year old DIVA that has returned home?  Expecially when you don't exactly relate to everything GAGA?  You understand all the words but no matter what, communication just doesn't happen.... well especially not in the mornings.  Why can't life just be nice and pleasant?


It's just like last Monday...when I tried to change the headlight bulb in my Volvo. Let me give you a glimpse of my car....it is not the standard square topped Volvo.  It is the absolute smallest Volvo EVER created in the history of Volvos (the mileage is great and should be since I am paying $4.09 a gallon!).  This is my first car too, I have always driven big trucks,vans, buses and now semi trucks most of my life.  This picture is exactly what mine looks like only try to imagine ice stuck to parts of it and snow.  Also we had to remove the little headlight wipers because they just get frozen causing snow to stick to the headlights until it is compacted letting little light through.  A great idea but doesn't really work.   


First of all it was a decent pretty warm day for here. Negative 18, or -18, of how about 18 degrees below zero!  That being said, January has cold spells that go all the way to about 65 below generally (I bet everyone here wears different and better underwear than most other places). Being so, balmy I decide NOT to wear hand protection while navigating the tiny compartment. I don't want a traffic ticket (really the hassle and the scar on my perfect record) and I hate to waste time so I am determined to change this headlight.


I also have to schedule this act around the high school late bell, an elementary school bus stop, preschool drop off and my daughter the DIVA'S new job. Everyone must be on time, that is my first job of every day. My son's truck is froze.  I have to get up EXTRA early to drive him to school.  Therefore on the way home I get 2 bulbs for about $30 bucks because you know...if one goes out, the other one will also go out within a week or so, or I could possibly break a bulb which is very likely.  Having a spare it ALWAYS handy.  I get home JUST in time to get the other 3 kids ready, then back outside to the car to fix the headlight before departure times.


 It is 8am, at the crack of murkiness ( the sun never really rises here it just gets less dark until about noon and then continues to get dimmer until dark about 4pm). I unlatch the bonnet.  In American terms that is the hood and another story all together how I found out about the bonnet. I find the headlight, pull off the silicone capping, release in the wire clamps all with only 3 inches or less room to move my now freezing fingers while my head is upside down, and my glasses slipping off my nose.  How does this relate to a Diva?  Well everything has very different labels than what you are used to, like coming from another country, everything is so tight, little room to move- stressful!  I finally pull out the old bulb, I get the new one in, rotated just so and vwalah!  The wire clamps snap into place all in about 4 minutes. However the light does not come on.....


Using the switch on the panel I try to switch on then off. Nothing. I look again and realize I HAVE CHANGED THE WRONG BULB!  The one I changed was for the bright lamps.  CRIMONY!, the regular bulb is a tighter squeeze next to the battery with even less space, a good 1.5 inches.  Okay I didn't really measure but that is a good estimate. My fingers at this point are past cold now, with a little feeling lost, they are experiencing some shooting pains now. 


Frustrated, I retrieve the extra bulb that I bought, then change my mind, and just reuse the one I just pulled out of the BRIGHTS.  SO I get the silicon cover off.  I try for the life of me to get the wire clamps off.....no go. Try again.   ARGH!  This gets really frusrating and I begin to think how I can blame this all on my husband.  I get angry, this is stressful, no room to move. I decide this is something worth putting off and I will just have to get a ticket, so I slap the cover on with a stamp of my foot while trying not to curse when exactly at that same time the light blinks ON! 


Well mornings are just like that around here with a DIVA, without going into too much detail (b.c I will only make her mad again at me).... I try and try and try and then finally I give up and attitudes change and things go nicely in the end. 


 I thought this was a cool version of my tiny Vovlo!

I cannot tell you how I feel, numb.............angry
that cat is purring and wants to be petted, I relent
believing what comes to my ears, but I wish it weren't so
how can you escape every test, how can you hide, lurk, exist
how can you fool us all
I hate you cancer

Plot Summaries of Some Stuff I Have Read So Far This Year

"Betty Zane" by Zane Grey, a free ebook:

Fleeing the city for an adventurous life in the country, the young frontier woman in “Betty Zane” encounters battles with Shawnee Indians while while defending Fort Henry and her own private battles of the heart in deciding which brave frontiersman will win her love.  Betty shows formidable grit in this post American Revolutionary story of survival during the dangerous Westward Expansion. Author, Zane Grey, a descendant of Elizabeth "Betty" Zane became famous with this first novel that broke the ground for his career in writing western sagas. 

Mary Phinney Von Olnhausen; The Adventures of an Army nurse in Two Wars; a free ebook:

A descendant of immigrants that stepped off the Mayflower, aristocratic, yet poor and widowed Mary Von Olnhausen is deeply compelled to nurse wounded soldiers for the North at the beginning of the Civil War.   Mary battles against the aristocratic doctors, mistreatment of soldiers, disasterous conditions imposed by the war, and the horrors of corruption found in the running and establishing of Army hospitals in various locations such as Mansion House Hospital in Alexandria outside Washington D.C. I haven't finished reading this one yet!



Wesley the Owl; this book was given to me by my sister and can be found in bookstores.  The book is absolutely absorbing and there is also a website linked to Wesley and his girl. 


Keeping a wild predator as a pet is usually not an ethical decision except in the true story found in the book "Wesley the Owl", where exceptional circumstances take place for Stacey O'Brien, a wildlife biologist, to save a barn owl's life. In the course of near 20 years Stacey documents, records, and has an amazing relationship with Wesley that is unforgettable. 



"Dracula" by Brom Stoker: free ebook.


"Dracula" is an intense look at the "New Woman" in the Victorian era of Nineteenth Century London, England.  Mina Murry fights against an evil that slowly reveals itself once it has been mysteriously transported from it's ancient European roots in Transylvania by boat to London where a devilish vampire sets it's sites on her life blood. Without the devotion she draws from those around her and her clever resourcefulness, the crew of light would not be able to free themselves from their defeat, doubt, and dire straits. (go girl power!)




William Faulkner's short story, "A Rose for Emily": found in many places on the internet. 

Emily, a bossy heir and the last of her family, in Faulkner's short story “A Rose for Emily”, lives in a gossipy town, where she remains alone after years of yearning for love and marriage in post civil war era.   Her high and mighty southern upbringing compels her to keep up appearances even beyond the grave. 






Does this make you want to read?  I think this is really fun.  Here is the game, you have to answer who, what, where, when, why and how in 3 sentences or less without giving the ending away.  I have read other books this year, but these are some of the best ones, or the ones I mostly have finished. 


Leave a comment with your latest read!

Random things I Learned Since Going Back To School

1. My youngest kiddo is speech delayed (and I thought he liked everyone talking for him!)
2. Midterms and Finals make bad hair weeks, and makes your family avoid you at all costs.
3. My eyesight is worse than ever before, not only is there not ENOUGH time to study but now there are eye appointments. (picked up blended bifocals yesterday....bah!)
4. Kids cannot attend daycare without biannual flu shots
5. If I knew I was so good at jumping through hoops I might have done this sooner or joined the circus!
6. Do not ever ever think the worst, or the best of any class until FINAL GRADES are posted. 
7. Do not  ever click the "I give UP show me the answer" button it weakens your score
8. There are many ways to curve a test, and professors use that knowledge when you never give up
9. My husband all of a sudden became a GAME GOURMET CHEF, which was fortunate otherwise we might have starved this past semester.  It was handy but more than that delicious!
10. How to do permutations and other keys on my calculator.
11. This one is very IMPORTANT for Nook users....Nookstudy is NOT the same as Nook for pc, get the right free download or you could LOSE YOUR ENTIRE LIBRARY!!!